Just wow!

The beginning of the year (2020) I started feeling really tired. Like the kind of tired where your body was so drained you just felt whooped no matter what you did. I also went through a bad depression, which depression is not un-normal for me but this one was. This depression I could not get passed, no matter what I did or how hard I tried. My business, support group and personal life suffered the consequence of this. Months went by before I was able to focus and try to rejoin life again. Then shit really happened.

In March I started going to the gym, trying to eat a little better, and doing Herbalife shakes/teas. As the month went on I felt tenderness in my breast and a little knot. I really thought I just hurt myself at the gym somehow. I mean I am super clumsy and always running into things, lol. After a week or so it got a little worse so I thought ok now its infected. So off to the Doctor I went for some antibiotics. 10 days later, infection gone, knot and tenderness still there. So back to the Doctor I go.

I go for a sonogram and a mammogram (not as scary as I was imagining). A little over a month later I went back for a sonogram and mammogram just to compare and to see if its still going down. It was not and did not go down in size at all! So they make me come back the very next day to do a biopsy. Anyone who knows me knows I DO NOT LIKE NEEDLES! How did I get through it? I did not look at this humongous thing there about to stick in my breast. Thank goodness they numbed it first (yes with a needle I still did not look at) Then they lay the humongous thing that's making a sucking noise across my stomach. Wooooooooooooo don't look at it is all I kept telling myself. The Doctor makes a little slit and then sticks this humongous thing in my boob. No I am still not looking. Did not hurt but lots of pushing and pressure. The Doctor said 3 days of doing nothing strenuous and do not lift anything over 5 lbs. Ok I agreed, no problem. Let me tell you the pain I felt the next day, on a scale from 1-10 it was a 20. My shoulder, arm and boob hurt. I could not do anything for 5 days and even 7 days later it is still sore and bruised. I'm not sure if this just happened because of the lump or what but I really have no intentions of trying it without or again.

The following week I go into my Doctors office to get the results. She starts rambling off somethings and then says the words that every person never ever wants to hear. You have cancer. Wait what, I have cancer? No way are you sure? Yes you have stage 3 breast cancer. I say well is it because of menopause, she says no we tested for hormones and its negative. I said then what caused it? She says just the environment, what? The f-n environment, what the heck kind of bs answer is that? I mean seriously just the environment. Then she says, we are referring you for surgery and to an oncologist. Wait so this is for real real? I'm still in shock. She talked for at-least 10 more minutes and I did not comprehend any of it.

So the rest of my day I was numb, like just trying to process what the hell just happened. How do we go from an infection to freaking cancer? I gave myself all that day to be sad, be angry, to actually comprehend what just happened. I told a few people closest to me but it seriously felt like a dream, like I was living someone else's life at that moment. I have friends, I have family members that have had some form of cancer. I do fund raisers, I help where I can and I give emotional support to. I am that go to person for everyone when they need. NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS DID I THINK I WOULD EVER HEAR THOSE WORDS and now to be the person who may need all of that I have given to someone else for my own self. Never once did it seriously cross my mind that I would have cancer. I mean WOW where to even start with comprehending this!

So here we are the next day after I was told I have cancer. I still kind of feel like I'm in a dream, like is this actually happening. And me being who I am, my thoughts are not just about me and getting through this but what can I do to help someone else understand they are not alone. That someone else knows what they are feeling or not feeling in that state of shock. I have no answers on anything yet. I do know its not just an over night journey that this could be months and months of fighting. I believe I've got this and I will kick cancers ass and then move on to help others do the same!!!

If you know or feel something is not right with your body please get it checked. We have amazing technology and Doctors these days. If its caught in time you can still live a very happy long life. Hopefully it wont be anything bad but the faster you get it checked the sooner you know for sure! My Support group Sharons Sisters, Lana and myself are always here for you.

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