Holidays aren't amazing for everyone

Yesterday was a bad day! Anxiety was through the roof. All I wanted to do was cry and pretty much did all day.

Halloween use to be our favorite holiday. The entire family always decorated. The kids even made there own tombstones with a pretty awesome grave yard. A skeleton hanging from a tree in the driveway so every time the gate opened it would do a creepy laugh and say something. We still have it all but do not decorate any more. The picture posted is my grandsons first Halloween, Sherri traced his feet and hands and carved it out.

A nieces birthday is on Halloween so everyone, adults and kids would dress up for the birthday party then go trick or treating after.

Nothing has been the same the last few years. I do not celebrate Holidays any more. It just isn't the same without my girl here. She would go all out for Halloween, it was alot of fun and she got to eat chocolate.for days without Mom saying no.

Halloween for me now is the beginning of the most dreaded time of year for me. Holidays use to be amazing where we would all come together no matter what was going on in our lives. Enjoy family, friends, have fun and laugh. Now, I don't celebrate any of them except New Years.

We don't decorate or dress up for Halloween any more. Thanksgivimg I donate my time to cooking and serving for people of all walks of life. It helps me help others. My husband will cook a little Thanksgivimg dinner for us while I do that. He is amazing and knows how important it use to be to me. Things are different now so we do things differently. Christmas I do not put up a tree, decorate or buy gifts for everyone. New Years we go out with friends and have a great time but it's always there. Always in my head and heart always a dread of the another year coming without my girl.

January my grandson will be 7, his Mom would've been 28. Feb will be 4 years that my girl has passed. It's so hard to believe it's been that long already. It's hard to comprehend I have lived without her. I do the best that I can do. Some moments are way harder than others. My life doesnt go by days or years really. It goes by moments. Grieving for one you love is hard. Grieving for a child is unimaginable.

So when you see someone having a bad day or upset or not in a festive mood. You don't know the story and what they maybe going through. It only takes a second to smile and be nice. You may give them something to live for in that moment and that can change the entire day for them.

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