Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is about yourself. I was recently in a Fit & Fierce Challenge, at the end of it our home work was to reach out to someone and forgive them. I thought about this for days before I did it. There have been many people in my past that I should probably forgive for some of the things I feel they wronged me with. I decided that first, I needed to forgive me. So here it is, my homework!
Homework, Forgiveness! So I have thought about this for the last few days and I decided that I will forgive and make peace with myself. I decided that where I am in my life and where I'm wanting to go, I need to forgive me the most! So I forgive myself for not always taking her side, I forgive myself for doing things that weren't of value to her. I forgive myself for not taking better care of her whether it be physically, mentally or both. I forgive myself for always believing the worst about her. I forgive myself for putting others before her. I forgive myself for not believing she is deserving. I forgive myself for not believing she can. I forgive myself for allowing others to degrade me. I forgive myself for allowing others to use me. I forgive myself for not always making the right choices as a Mom, I forgive myself for choices I've made, I forgive myself for not always making the right choices as a wife. I forgive myself for not always being the friend I have expected others to be. I forgive myself for not being the daughter or sister I should have always been. I will no longer live my life without forgiveness especially for myself.. In doing this I have come to peace with the things that bother me the most. Now I can move on and forgive those I need to make peace with and forgive.
So, I have to tell you, that after doing this... It is an absolute amazing feeling! I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. I feel like a new non judgmental person. I feel that in forgiving myself I have now forgiven everyone else and have moved on from the things that weighted me down. We are our own worst critics and enemy. Our-self is what stops us from getting out of our own way and being that amazing person your meant to be.
I did do the homework and recently reached out to someone. I apologized for reacting in a way I should not have. I also gave my forgiveness. I found that the response I received didn't matter. I did not feel the need to respond to that response or get upset or anything. I did my part in what I needed to do not for them but for me. Once you are truly excepting of forgiving of yourself everything else just seems to fall into place. I feel so much peace in not only my heart but in my head to.
If you have constant conflict going on, learn how to forgive you. I find that most of our conflicts have more to do with what we personally feel, think and do. We judge our self to the point of pain mentally and physically. In this pain we find ways to lash out at others by blaming or judging but in truth aren't we really just mirroring what we feel inside about our self? Or what we are afraid of being or doing? Something to think about and get to the bottom of! We are not in control of anyone except our-self! My newest favorite thing to say is.. I am not in control of how you react. I am only in control of how I act or react. Reaction before thinking is in my opinion our biggest flaw....